That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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