then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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