everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
