the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
