I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
