Swine flu. Run for my life!
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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