I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
