I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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