It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
