he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
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