I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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