i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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