I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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