I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
