My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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