i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Randomize
