Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
