My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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