Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
