Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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