she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
