I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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