Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
