Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize