went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
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