Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
