what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
