3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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