fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
