Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize