if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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