Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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