I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize