She is in my trunk
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
