I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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