I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize