we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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