Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
operation have a gay friend backfired
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
