shes about as inviting as chlamydia
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
