we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
