If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
