is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
