Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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