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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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