my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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