OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
