Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
