Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize