forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
He's on the porch naked. Help.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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