I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
