hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
now i know why i became what i already was.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize