you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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