not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
