upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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