We won't sleep together?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
bring money and cleavage
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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