batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
