How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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