My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
