thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
