A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
