you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
