I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
