Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
