so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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