The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
