Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
