Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
