Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
